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Sunday, 05 July 2009

Hi! Just checking out Xanga again... What's everyone up to these days?

Thursday, 15 February 2007

so its been awhile since i've written in here. say something if you stkll read it and i will actually write

Tuesday, 29 August 2006

So tonight one of our dogs died. We rescued him not too long ago from a house with no AC and he was living in a kitchen cabinet. He was very malnuritist. We got him and got all the fleas off and he finally starting putting on some weight. We all thought he was doing great.
Tonight was the first night that mom and I had bpth gone out. Well while we were all gone Lucky started to have problems. He started having bloody mucus come out of his nose and he could barely breath. I was no where near home so my mom and sister came back home and took him to the emergency vet. I met them there but on the way my mom called and said they are going to have to put him down and we needed to decide if we wanted him cremated or if we wanted to take him home a bury him.
    I asked her to wait to do anything until I got there because I was only like 10 Minutes away. When I got there the vet was in the room and was telling me what was going on. She went to get Lucky so that we could see him before he was put down. She came back in the room without him. She told us that Lucky had already passed.
    I didnt even get to say goodbye. I feel like I did when my grandpa died. Instead of going to see him one night I went with my girlfriend and partied. He died the next morning so I didnt get to say goodbye to him.
    The one thing that I can say is that Lucky was happy the last month he was alive. He loved me and I feel like i let him down. At first he wanted nothing to do with anyone really. he never snapped at me like he did everyone else. Eventually he started getting attached to me. I would come home and he would wag his little tail and jump up for me to say hello. When I would sit down he was right there the second after I sat. I feel horrible for not getting home sooner

Thursday, 17 August 2006

So I am writing in here again. I now have the time a little bit. I have had a lot going on and a lot on my mind. I feel as if my friendship with Barbara is dwindling down to nothing. It is going fairly fast. I hate it because she and I have this undeniable connection. We know a lot about each other without even saying anything. She is amazing and I do not want to loose the friendship that we have. But I am in this situation that I have to decide if I want to deal with the pain or loose the friendship. She is the only person that I have found that I am able to open up to about everything. She means the world to me. She is an amazing friend and person. I love her to death but….. It’s getting very hard. I spent almost an hour on the phone with her best friend earlier and she now knows how I feel and she some what understands why I am so confused. Barbara and Lindsey are now together in an “unspoken” relationship type thing. According to her friend they are a lot more serious than Barbara leads me to believe. Which is fine I figured as much anyway. I am trying to decide if I want to write her a letter spilling my guts and see if she calls me or if I want to just tell her everything over the phone or what??? I need some help here.

In other news. My new job is going either well. I have a meeting with the 2 owners coming up. That is weird because everyone else just gets a conference call and I get a meeting. I am starting to look for someone to date now. I am finally at that point where I feel as if I can do that again. Just date and see where it goes. I miss being in a relationship. I miss the cuddling and everything. I can deal without the sex. Hell I have done that for quite some time now. I have gotten back in touch with some old friends recently also. It’s nice. I am looking for a friend that I can open up to like I used to be able to do with Barbara. But that means someone who is more mature than most of my friends and someone that I feel as if I can trust with almost anything. It’s hard to find someone like that. I’m sure most of you can understand that. Well I am going to go. Bed time for me.

Night Everyone,

~~Tosha~~

Friday, 14 July 2006

So I had this dream last night that made me re-think myself and some things in my past. In this dream I went and visited an ex of mine somewhere. For awhile while I was there visiting her eveything was just as friends. Well in the dream one day we were just hanging out in her room just bullshittin' and someone came in and said she had a phone call. She went and talked on the phone and came back in upset. I didnt know what was wrong with her and didn't want to hold her cause I didnt want the feelings to come back. She got pissed off and yelled at me for not holding her. Well i wrapped my arms around her and she told me that her mother had died. I love this girls mom so it really messes with me. We both cry and just hold onto eachother. Well we ended up for some odd reason having sex and getting back together.
So I wake up and wonder if I am really not over her like I thought. For those of you who know me and knew me when I was going through the break up with her KNOW how hard it was on me. Now I am wondering if I still have feelings for her or if it was just some cracked out dream I had. But when I came to work we had received a shipment and as we were going through it I smelled something that reminded me alot her. SOMEONE HELP ME OUT PLEASE!!!

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rotcbabe

- Name: TOSHA
- Country: United States
- State: Texas
- Metro: Fort Worth
- Birthday: 11/5/1985
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 10/10/2003